Sunday, May 25, 2008

Cruel and Unusual Punishment

So, I've been really busy recovering from last week's marathon.

You know how recovery goes: sit, sleep, get up to stretch once in awhile, consider walking to the driveway to fetch the mail, decide eh, no need to overexert myself, sleep some more, dish up big bowls of ice cream, bend over to touch my toes and count it as my workout for the day, watch reality television, file my nails, watch the pet goldfish swim, sleep some more. Recovery is such a bitch, I tell ya.

It's become readily apparent that along with the intense physical rest, I also need to do some mental recovery. Seems I left a few million brain cells out on the hot pavement of the Ogden course last weekend, frying like a sunny side-up egg yolk.

Case in point:

While grocery shopping the other day, I happenstancingly passed by the candy bar aisle. Okay, fine... so it wasn't by happenstance; it was utterly deliberate. But I'm recovering, people! Don't judge me until you've run 26.2 miles in my shoes.

On a brightly-colored display was a huge cart full of Snickers king-sized candy bars. Now, I don't know about you, but I'm of the firm belief Snickers candy bars were created on the seventh day by God Himself as a reward for His labors. And in the Department of No-Brainers, the only thing better than Snickers candy bars are king-sized Snickers candy bars.

So, I'm standing there completely frozen in front of the display, my mouth instinctively gaping open, my eyes glazing over with visions of milk chocolate, caramel, peanuts and nougat and of course, all I'm thinking about is one thing: Recovery. I'm thinking it so fiercely that I only have enough thought process left to glance up quickly at the sign advertising the sale price, 10 for $1.00.

Screeeeeech! Hold on now, back up the truck. Ten for a dollar???

Now, math's never been my strong suit but thanks to a meticulous mental computation in my head, I figured out ten for a dollar was like ten cents a candy bar! A king-sized candy bar! The generous folks at the grocery store must have known I ran a really tough marathon last weekend and they wanted to do their part in both consoling me and of course, aiding in my recovery.

So, I start counting out my candy bars. One... two... three... ohmygosh, ten for a dollar!... four... five... six. I had three bucks burning a hole in my pocket and in my head I'm fantasizing of all the ways I'll use my newfound wealth for good. Snickers cake, Snickers salad, Snickers goulash, Snickers pie, Snickers alfredo , Snickers flambée, Snickers creole. Oh, the possibilities!


I don't exactly know what distracted me and caused me to pause at that point. It might have been the fact I felt like I was guiltily stuffing the candy bars into my pocket instead of tenderly stacking them in my cart. It might have been the motion of wiping the drool off my chin with the back of my hand so as not to look so foolish in public. Or maybe, just maybe, it was the fleeting thought that there's just no such thing as ten cent candy bars.

Nawww... I'm sure it was the drool.

All I know is that somewhere in the middle of counting out Snickers candy bar number thirteen, I stopped to look up again at the sign.

My eyebrows raised in perplexed confusion. I squinted. I slapped the side of my head a couple times, then rubbed my eyes and leaned in for a closer view.

10 for $10.00.

Now, math was never my strong suit, but that is NOT like ten cents a candy bar. I felt the air slowly deflating out of me like a balloon as I placed each candy bar, one by one, back into the box.

Stupid decimals. Playing cruel tricks on recovering marathoners like that.

7 comments:

Ovens2Betsy said...

Angie -- STEP AWAY FROM THE SNICKERS BARS! You have too much to live for. Think of your children. Think of your blogging buddies. Think of your running shoes tossed under your bed.

robison52 said...

What's better than Snickers Candy Bars, well....Snickers ICE CREAM bars, of course! Nothing wrong with Snickers, I believe that some of those fancy sports bars are really candy bars in disguise.

Nitmos said...

Appropriate post title. I blame the grocer. They should know people may misinterpret their sign. Shame on them.

Will said...

Live, run, and yes, when necessary, indulge. There must be a real pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Just keep following the rainbows. And keep on bloggin!

TNTcoach Ken said...

Ha, I hate when that happens. I still would have purchased a few, since they were in the basket!

See Zanne Run said...

wait a minute. you put some of them BACK?! lord, i would have gotten at least one. cause still. just one was a dollar. you did run a marathon after all & totally deserved a king size snickers. but the recovering sugar addict in me totally applauds your strength.

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