Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Triumph of Tender and Moist Proportions

I have a very exciting announcement to make:

You are talking to (well... errr... you are reading the blog of) the proud and distinguished winner of the First Annual Cedar Butte Turkey Trot Trophy, awarded last Thanksgiving morning after a highly competitive six-mile run around the neighborhood.

While I'm typically a very humble being and not one to boast, I have to say this accomplishment is quite worthy of shameless and unabashed gloating. There were a few miles (about six of them, to be exact) I wasn't sure I was going to be able to pull it off, but I dug in deep and harnessed all my inner willpower and determination to overcome the debilitating discomfort in order to best my many fellow turkey trotters.

To be politically and technically correct (*eyeroll), I didn't win the trophy because I was the first trotter to cross the finish line. I might have won it in a completely random drawing as a "participator". But I encourage you not to let yourself get distracted by insignificant details! It was very touch-and-go there for a few seconds while the winner's name was being drawn out of the plastic mixing bowl. Yet, despite the intense and intimidating competition by which I was surrounded, I never lost faith. That trophy was meant to be mine.

And while we're at it... what do you mean you've never heard of the First Annual Cedar Butte Turkey Trot? There was a whole 23 of us there; this was a huge community event! I'm sure you just missed the two-page spread and accompanying photographs in the newspaper as you greedily whipped past it to get your hands on the Black Friday sales ads. But I assure you, it's there. In color.

My First Annual CBTT trophy is nothing short of a work of art. I am certain it was painstakingly hand-carved from a very rare and exotic tree that grows only in monkey-infested jungles in the Orient, then meticulously bronzed and re-bronzed in the finest and most precious of metals. Already, I've had to turn away dozens of bearded nomads who have traveled from afar to admire my trophy as it adorns my lamp table in the living room. When I'm in a really good mood, I'll allow some of them inside the house but they have to leave their cameras and video recording devices on the porch. I'm pretty sure the flash of cameras would damage the delicate and intricate finishing and I certainly don't want to risk that. Television and newspaper reporters from around the world have been clamoring for interviews but I'm too humble for all that nonsense. I just tell them I'm a simple Idaho girl who happened to stumble upon greatness one Thanksgiving morn. It's an inspiring story, really, and the movie offers are very flattering, but I don't think I'll sell the rights. Unless it's the Hallmark channel, because they do touching and heart-warming so well.

As proud as I am of my well-earned trophy, it unfortunately will only be mine to claim until the next annual CBTT. At that point, I'll have to relinquish it to the next winner. But in the meantime, it will sit atop my lamp table in all its regal, avian perfection the entire year long. Come July, I may have to explain more than once what-the heck's-up-with-the-turkey??, but once my story is told, it will all make sense and people will nod with reverent respect and a touch of envy.

It's just a good thing my turkey trophy isn't of the plucked and frozen variety. With my appetite of a linebacker, it'd be so roasted and smothered in cranberry sauce by now.


TNTcoach Ken said...

Wow, a turkey trophy! I think I saw something on Yahoo Sports.........

Middle-aged Mormon Man said...

I think it's wonderful that the Special Olympics sponsors a community race like that. Congrats on the win!

mintifresh said...

That trophy had your name all over it!

Maybe because you wrote it with a sharpie...

Tall Girl Running said...

Zzzzzing!! (to both of you smart-alecks)